Ouch!

"Know that the only reason we experience pain and suffering is because of a lack of Da'at , Godly knowledge and awareness. One who possesses this knows that everything is sent by God and therefore he feels no pain or suffering, because "God gave and God took" (Job 1:21 ) . It is true that there is a certain kind of suffering that is inevitable. This is the pain felt when the soul leaves the body, the pain of illness that comes when the soul begins to separate itself from the body. The soul is so tightly bound to the body in this life that one inevitably feels pain at the moment of separation.

Nevertheless this suffering is easy to bear if one knows clearly that everything is under God's providence. All the more does this apply to other kinds of pain and suffering, which a person who possesses Godly awareness does not feel at all. The main reason a person feels pain and suffering is that his Godly awareness is taken from him." Rabbi Nachman


I haven't been feeling well today. I guess I overdid it. But I wanted to post something since I'm not sure when I'll get to post again (busy week ahead). I just want to encourage you to take a minute and read the book of Job. He had such an honesty with God. He could just say what was on his heart, and yet God didn't see it as any less than right and proper. So even when we're hurting or things are hard to bear, remember that God is there to listen, even to our pain-filled cries.

Peace in the Home

This is a topic on which I find is the most important to our success as a people. Most professionals would agree that the problems we see in the world stem from the problems in the home. I have always yearned for a peaceful home. The job which I only wish that I could do better, is parenting. It's not an easy thing to be a good parent. Sure you can meet their basic needs and protect them, but I don't believe it's enough. I spent years preparing to be a good house wife, an interesting person, well-rounded and kind. I like being a wife. It's easy really. I can look at how my husband and I met, how we remained pure, how we focused on our responsibilities toward each other, and know that even on the rough days, he is my bashert (my soul mate). How can I cut my arm off because it's itchy? Why would I pinch it because it's sore? I try my best not to upset him and he does the same for me.

But parenting is when even our marriage is tried. I know my parenting skills are weak because I don't know how to be a good mother to two children. I do my best, but I doubt I'll ever think it is good enough. These two precious souls and one is constantly struggling with fear and the other looks at fear and laughs while jumping off the nearest piece of furniture. I spent way too much time alone. I don't know how women have 10, 15, 20... kids. I've met families who have. They have a peace that I just only dream of having. Patience that would make Job jealous. I WANTED to  be that kind of a mom. A mom that doesn't get phased by anything. A mother that never raises her voice. But I do. I yell. I hit. I cry. I give in. I hide in my room feeling stupid.

Tonight I did better. I closed my eyes when I felt like yelling. I took a deep breath. Every day I have high hopes that I will be the mother I want to be. Most days I fail miserably. But I always tell my kids that I'm working hard to control my temper. I'm asking for help constantly from Hashem. Only He can make this work. I just have to yield to Him more each day.

Thought for Today

It's not hard to push a person away. The real work is to draw him close and uplift him.

Netiv Tzaddik 31

A House of Prayer for All Nations...

Isaiah

Chapter 56

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1 Thus saith HaShem: Keep ye justice, and do righteousness; for My salvation is near to come, and My favour to be revealed.

2 Happy is the man that doeth this, and the son of man that holdeth fast by it: that keepeth the sabbath from profaning it, and keepeth his hand from doing any evil.

3 Neither let the alien, that hath joined himself to HaShem, speak, saying: 'The HaShem will surely separate me from His people'; neither let the eunuch say: 'Behold, I am a dry tree.'

4 For thus saith HaShem concerning the eunuchs that keep My sabbaths, and choose the things that please Me, and hold fast by My covenant:

5 Even unto them will I give in My house and within My walls a monument and a memorial better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting memorial, that shall not be cut off.

6 Also the aliens, that join themselves to HaShem, to minister unto Him, and to love the name of HaShem, to be His servants, every one that keepeth the sabbath from profaning it, and holdeth fast by My covenant:

7 Even them will I bring to My holy mountain, and make them joyful in My house of prayer; their burnt-offerings and their sacrifices shall be acceptable upon Mine altar; for My house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples.

8 Saith the L-rd GOD who gathereth the dispersed of Israel: yet I will gather others to him, beside those of him that are gathered.

Verse 3 is awesome. Those that have adopted Torah obedience shouldn't feel left out. They shouldn't say that they should be set apart. 

Verse 7: My house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples! So awesome! God wants us all to worship Him. Not just a few. I look forward to the day when we all are of like mind and worship Him in unity! Let us sing to God and praise Him!

Thought for Today

In this material world, especially if we have sinned and are very far from God, the main way to attach ourselves to God is through melody and song.

Likutey Halachot, Nesiat Kapayim 5:6

* * *

It is good to get into the habit of livening yourself up with a tune.
Holy melodies are very exalted, having great power to stir the heart and draw it to God.
Even if you cannot sing well, you can still inspire yourself with a tune. Sing it as best as you can, in privacy if you wish. The loftiness of melody is beyond all measure.

Sichot Haran #273

Thought for Today...

The power of one sigh

How precious when you sigh out of longing for something holy. The sigh you emit because you are far from holiness breaks the bond of impurity that was trapping you. Now you can bind yourself with the cord of holiness. But the opposite is true when you sigh with desire for something wrongful, God forbid.
One sigh of regret over your sins and great distance from God is worth more than many fasts and other forms of self-mortification. The sighs you emit when you desire something holy can actually break the force of your bodily urges, enabling your soul to draw nearer to your body and communicate to it something of her own perception of God.

Likutey Moharan I, 109

A Jewish look at Afterlife

Let's take three people.

A person that takes their whole life to learn to play a classical instrument.
A person that knows who Mozart is because they watched a movie and liked it.
A person that hates classical music.

Jewish thought on what happens when we die is very different from the hell and heaven concept that most people embrace. Now take these three people and put them in the same symphony and they will each have their own experience. To one it will be pure bliss and they will play a long because they can. The second person may be apathetic because it's just music without words. The third person will be in sheer agony because they despise this type of noise.

I also look at it like being on an alien planet where you don't know the language and neither do the natives know your language. You would struggle with getting your needs met. You would be filled with fear with the foreign customs. It wouldn't necessarily be a bad or dangerous place, it would simply be strange.

Picture a small child taken to Disney Land. For most people, Disney land is a terrific fantasy when everything is perfect and dream like. A small child would be frightened by a life-size Lion from Lion King or by a giant mouse with white gloves when that same mouse and lion were tiny on a television screen and one-dimensional. That same child might not find pleasure in flying tea-cups as the feeling of flying might be too new and scary. It can be overwhelming. So a good parent would prepare their child by talking about what it will be like, showing a brochure from the travel agent and watching the actual videos from Disneyland. It builds the child's excitement and anticipation.

In order to prepare for the afterlife, you must embrace Torah and become familiar with your Creator's Will so that you won't be surprised with His way of living.

From an early age, I have seen the afterlife like a flame. Hashem is like the sun to me. You take each individual spark or flame and place the flame in each soul. You have the choice to nurture and nourish that flame and watch it last and grow or it can be dulled with lack of oxygen and pollution. Then when it is time to return to the Origin your spark joins the whole. I am still trying to understand whether the spark could be extinguished completely but lets focus on nurturing His light in us so that can be a moot issue.

Making Time

Hitbodedut: Personal Prayer

Siddurim: Rote Prayer

Required Brachot: Blessings throughout the day (food, bathroom, new items, Shema, etc)

For mothers it can be difficult to find time to pray. I struggle with being consistent. I will have a very good week and be able to communicate well with everyone, including Hashem. Then the weeks come when the car stops working, the pain is too much, stress creeps up and won't stop nagging about money, the children are rowdy and our husbands need our time and affection. When do we find time to cry out to Hashem?!

For me- during those times I work very hard to focus on the simple things like food blessings with kavana. I truly think about the words I'm saying and that even my peanut butter and honey sandwich is a gift from Hashem. 

I also remind myself that before I know it, I will be older and B'zrat Hashem I will be a grandmother. I will have more time for prayer. I prayed so much before I married. I had nothing but time on my hands. I am working to rid my life of the unnecessary and find simplicity. I anticipate that if I can do this I will use my time more efficiently and have more time. 

I am sad to admit that if I'm really honest and look around at my day, I waste time that could and should be better spent. I pray for strength to stop this.

Thought for today: 

WILL AND DESIRE

When a person is content to want only what God wants, this makes God the King. But when a person desires something other than what God desires, this gives strength to unholy forces. A person must nullify his own will to the point where he has no will and desire for anything except what God desires, whether it be that he should have wealth and children or not, God forbid. It should be the same with everything else he wants. He should desire only what God desires. This makes God alone the King

Likutey Moharan I, 177 

Rabbi Nachman

Thought for Today...

Hold onto the good times

You should always try to be happy and serve God with joy, and even if you sometimes fall short of your level, you can still encourage yourself by thinking of earlier times when you did have a taste of the light.
A number of blind people can all take hold of one sighted person and follow him trustingly. A blind man trusts his stick and follows it even though he sees nothing. How much more should you follow your own self - because the light did shine on you previously, arousing and inspiring you to serve God.
Maybe you feel you have fallen and that your eyes and heart are closed. Even so, you should still hold onto those earlier days. Just as you were aroused and encouraged to serve God then, strengthen yourself now by following the sense of arousal you felt then. God will soon help you and His light will shine on you again.

Likutey Moharan I, 222 From Rebbe Nachman

 

My Hope for this Blog

 

My hope is that I will be able to be inspired to write about the things I'm learning and maybe even find some people that are of like mind. Let's see where this goes, shall we?