This came from Rav Laitman
Children will always want to be like adults. So if we want them to behave differently, we should first learn to do it ourselves
From the very first days of a child's life, we try to teach them the art of communication. We want children to "play beautifully," so we organize holidays and birthdays for them. We are concerned how to maximize their free time, and we spend considerable resources on educational games and training manuals for them. We are pleased when other adults can appreciate our children's intelligence and good manners. But we often forget that almost every day while children are at school they have to take the exam "for survival" among their peers.
Adults are always ready to meet children halfway, forgive and pity them, whereas in their relationships they have to fight with "fire and sword" for their rights: demand and give in, attack and defend, get used to their peers hostility towards them. And in spite of how much effort we spend to create an oasis for the child's happiness and prosperity, his real life happens outside our house.
There, in the big world, a child immediately has to learn to play according to different rules. He can see that the success and prosperity are earned with a lie, intrigues and brute force. But we ourselves have written these rules. Without taking notice of it, we accustom children to a policy of double standards. Every parent has roughly the same thoughts: "I am ready to do everything for my children to do well. And not just do well, but better than others."
With this "better than others" thinking we are slowly but consistently sawing the bough we sit on. At first children will subconsciously and then consciously adopt the rules of the game. The world is divided into "us" and "them" and if "they" stand in the way of our interests, they immediately become an ‘outlaw'. Outside of "our" law. Needless to say, we can see disastrous results of such an outlook in everyday life.
Is there an alternative? Kabbalah argues that yes, it exists, and by this way the interests of all will be taken into account. This means that regardless of affiliation to a certain group of people on social, national, religious and other grounds, every person is guaranteed respect for his vital interests. This will become not only the letter of the law, written in the constitution, but also inner aspiration of most people.
This is possible provided that everyone without exception follows the rule "anything that you hate, do not do to your friend". Simply by adhering to this rule, life would literally change, for the better, right before our eyes.
And children? Children will always want to be like adults. If we, the adults, begin to behave in another way, children will immediately imitate us. In kindergartens, schools and in the street, new games will appear in which children will learn from each other to live in a world of good. Therefore, the best that we can do for our children is to start with educating ourselves.
